Owning Our Birth

After 40 weeks, 2 days, 3 hours, 28 minutes, a doula, natural childbirth classes, affirmations, breathing techniques, visualizations, reading of Dr. Sears and Ina May Gaskin, viewings of "The Business of Being Born" and "Orgasmic Birth," heavy consideration and, finally, determination that I wanted a non-medicated birth, Abigail Grace came into this world by C-section. But I'm OK with it.

Mild cramps started a little after midnight on Thursday, one day after Abi's EDD. More cramps at 3:45 and 6:30 AM. By 7 AM patterned contractions started and were about four minutes apart; they were more uncomfortable than actually painful. They increased in intensity throughout the day and by 2 PM when Jodi, my doula, arrived they were about three minutes apart and strong enough that I called upon my breathing and relaxation techniques to help work through them. Within an hour the breathing turned into guttural moaning and Jodi suggested we go to the hospital.

Walking into the emergency room my water broke (more like leaked, which would continue for the next 12 hours). As Greg, Jodi and I entered the elevator to take us to the labor and delivery floor we ran into one of my doctors, known affectionately as "Dr. Doom." He checked in with us and then just to be an ass, he repeatedly stalled the elevator by putting his hand between the doors when they started to close. On the next contraction I told Greg to punch him. That's the kind of relationship Dr. Doom and I have. That's probably the kind of relationship he has with all of his patients.

I was six cm dilated when checked and was hopeful that labor was more than halfway over. I'll forego detailed description of the remainder of my labor for fear of sounding whiny to all women who have labored and given birth and sounding completely gross to all women who haven't. To summarize, the last few centimeters of dilation are generally the most torturous but are also supposed to be the quickest. Unfortunately, I was stalled at eight cm for over 5 hours. I've never experienced such intense physical pain. All the breathing and relaxation techniques were thrown out the door and I had to focus on just getting through the next few seconds. After 17 hours of labor and still only at eight cm, I first seriously considered drugs. My doctor (not Dr. Doom, fortunately!) said that at this point she would only recommend an epidural, that it would lessen the intensity of the contractions, I would be able to rest and hopefully my cervix would dilate completely. I had nothing left. I asked if we could turn off the medicine when it came time to push so I would be able to respond to my body. This was doable so I consented. Once the drugs kicked in I felt sweet relief and was able to nap for about 20 minutes. After three hours on the epidural I was checked again. Complete disappointment; still only eight cm. Something was keeping me from dilating completely. It could be that the baby was just very big as was predicted, but there could also be other problems. My temperature was rising and the doctor was concerned about infection. She recommended a C-section. Part of me was heartbroken, but I had full confidence in my doctor. I knew she wasn't recommending surgery to rush home or because she was scared I would sue her if there was a major complication. It was the best option at the time. It turns out the baby was facing toward the ceiling and her head was tilted, so she wasn't being pushed straight down during the contractions. The doctor said she wouldn't have been able to make it out on her own.

So Abi came into this world in an operating room, rather than a delivery room. She wasn't put on my chest as planned, but Greg held her as she was snuggled to my cheek and licked my nose. We had to wait for our magical bonding hour, but it was still euphoric. She was alert with open eyes, a beautiful deep blue. Abi nursed immediately and is such a pro at breastfeeding that my milk came in a day earlier than expected and she's actually gained weight already!

People say that labor and birth are unpredictable. Being the planner I am I thought I would be devastated with having a C-section. I'm not in the least. I know I did all I could to have a non-medicated birth; Abi and I just needed help and we're OK with that.